


Smoking kills

by soundoftragedy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Asthma, Brother fluff, Brothers, Cuddling, Gen, Hospitalization, Hurt/Comfort, Other, Smoking, asthmatic!Dean, probably season 9, worried!Sam
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-12
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2019-01-16 14:49:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12344826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soundoftragedy/pseuds/soundoftragedy
Summary: Dean is smoking. Again. And Sam isn't pleased when he finds out, but their current fragile relationship keeps him from saying something. But he will, eventually, because he isn't a dick and Dean has asthma.Smoking!asthmatic!Dean, worried!Sam some fluff, brother's cuddling. no slash tho





	1. Chapter 1

'M BACK.

I guess I kinda owe an explanation where the hell have i been, but let's leave it for the next time, shall we? Anyway, I'm going to update all the stories in a couple of days, since now I kinda have time to write (explanation to 'having time to write': my life is shit and i'm avoiding my problems by writing)

So, there you have it.

Reviews and kudos are more than welcome xx

* * *

Chapter 1

* * *

He found it relaxing.

He couldn't exactly recall when he started smoking, he was around 17 or so, stressed to the hills. But when his friend at school offered him this "way to relax", or so he called it, Dean took it without any further thought.

Didn't really think about the consequences of his choice.

Didn't really care.

Although, it didn't take long for Dad to find out, and he wasn't happy with it. Far from it, he was furious. A fact that he used to have asthma when he was younger didn't help the situation either, since it could flare up and leave him choking for air at any time.

As for Sam, he was begging for him to quit. The kid was smart, he knew how unhealthy it was, he was just worried about his brother getting sick.

"You're killing yourself, Dean" Sam would say. "Please, don't do this to yourself, please?"

So, Dean tried to avoid smoking in front of either one of them, because honestly, he was getting tired of those glances he was getting from them, hour long lectures whom usually ended up in one of them storming out while slamming the doors dramatically, followed by long silences.

He didn't need anyone telling him how damaging it was. He knew it himself, he could feel it.

Also, he didn't want to give his dad a satisfaction of being right about his returning asthma. He didn't want to look weak in front of his father's eyes. So, when it got too bad, he got his medication for asthma quietly, all by himself, not telling anyone.

Of course, they found out his dirty little secret when on a particularly bad hunt in the rain and he was left wheezing on the ground on all fours, unable to breathe.

It costed him a trip to ER.

He couldn't exactly remember what happened, but when he woke up hours later with an oxygen mask on his face and a worried, but no less furious John Winchester by his side, he knew he screwed up.

So much for keeping it a secret.

He got a whole speech that night of do's and don'ts. Sammy even pulled his puppy dog eyes look on him.

Long story short, it wasn't pleasant. When he was released three days later, because John refused to sign him out AMA and insisted on him having the treatment he needed for his asthma, he had a new prescription and a new pair of eyes watching his every move.

John took away all of his cigarettes and gave him prescribed meds himself, mentioning from time to time what a stupid thing was to start smoking.

Sam wasn't any better, he was worse, if that was possible.

It went on for about a month, until they released the grip and everything slowly went back to normal. Well, what was normal for them anyway.

Their dad disappearing for weeks, Sammy going through his teenage phase, getting angry at every single thing, because he's the only one who is right in the room, and Dean going back to inhaling a relaxing cloud of smoke into his abused lungs.

So, nothing really changed.

In a lifespan of couple more years he had a few more major attacks that landed him in a hospital, but, besides that, he had it under control.

He knew he was pushing his luck most of the time, he managed to even quit for some time, because Sam literally begged him to, after he almost died, but he never truly gave it up. He just managed to hide it for Sammy's sake.

But nowadays, hiding didn't seem to be an issue anymore.

At least not for him.

* * *

Present

* * *

"You're smoking. Again." Sam announced, his intonation filled with annoyance.

"Don't like it, don't watch it." Dean answered casually, looking straight into Sam's eyes while inhaling deeply.

He almost coughed at that, but managed to keep himself from doing it. Why give Sam a satisfaction of being right?

"Alright, I won't, but when this catches up with you during a hunt and you will be hacking up a lung while unable to breathe, then don-"

"Jesus, don't be such a drama queen, Sam." Dean interrupted him, not wanting to listen to this shit again. "I'm not exactly asking you to donate a lung or anything, so why does that concerns you, huh? It's not like me smoking makes any difference to you, so just don't nag me about it every chance you get." he inhaled again. "I had enough of that from you and dad already."

Sam just stared at his brother wide eyed, while Dean inhaled again, coughing slightly.

He was at loss of what to do, because he knew that this never ends well. They've been on this path many times before and it always ended in the exact same way. Dean lying in a hospital bed, unable to breathe.

"Apparently, it wasn't enough, was it?" he asked quietly.

He didn't want to start another argument between them, so he left it at that, not waiting for an answer.

* * *

A little bit more than a week later, they were on a hunt again, some vengeful spirit bothering a quiet life of a little town in a middle of nowhere.

It wasn't a particularly difficult hunt, but they were still a little banged up after it.

And Dean felt more than a little stressed for some reason, so he was smoking one cig after the other, while coughing horribly.

Of course, that didn't slip throughout Sam's eyes and he was starting to get worried.

By the time they got back from the graveyard, Dean was wheezing, but clearly trying to hide it from Sam. Inhaling smoke of a burning body probably didn't help either.

"Go get a shower, it might help" Sam suggested, once they were inside the motel room.

Dean did, without any questioning and that was even more unsettling.

Of course, they would never talk about it, because god forbid the chick flick moments between them, except on rare occasions, such as almost dying or during a particularly bad argument.

One way or another, Dean was out of the shower quickly and Sam went to grab one too. Once he was out mere ten minutes later, Dean was nowhere to be seen.

"Dean?" he asked, getting no answer.

Brows furrowed, he looked outside.

"Really, Dean?" he asked, a little bit angry when he spotted his stubborn ass brother sitting on the stairs of their motel room and holding a cig between his slightly shaking fingers. "Are you that desperate to kill yourself faster that you can't let go of those fucking cigarettes even when you're wheezing and can't breathe properly?" he shouted, not being able to contain his emotions in check, then grabbed the cig and threw it on the ground. They were suppose to keep it strictly business, but he just couldn't keep it quiet anymore.

"If I say yes, will you stop screaming?" Dean asked quietly, picking it up off the ground.

"You're unbelievable" the younger Winchester stared in disbelief.

"What do you want me to say, Sam?" the older hunter turned to face him, his face blank and tired, maybe even a little sad. "It doesn't matter what I do, it's impossible to please you. So, if you don't like it, just… I don't know, turn around and let me enjo-" he was cut off buy a coughing fit, that was shaking his whole body.

Sam came closer and hit him on the back couple of times, trying to make it easier. Dean tried to squirm away.

"Sam-" he wheezed. "Don't"

The younger brother just exhaled and sat down next to Dean, feeling defeated.

"I just don't want to watch you kill yourself." he exclaimed, unable to keep sadness from his voice. He hated seeing his brother smoking, now even more than ever.

"You're welcome to leave any time" the older Winchester mumbled, coughing again.

"Jesus, Dean" Sam whispered. "Are you that bad off that you don't even care… I don't- can we at least talk about it, like adults?" he asked, trying to get through his brother.

"There isn't much to talk about, Samm-... Sam." Dean corrected himself, missing the flinch on Sam's face when he corrected his nickname. "Everything's pretty clear to me, I mean, I'm not holding you here, you can go on and do your own thing, you don't have to, like, watch over me or anything, I'm not a liability."

"I know you're not, Dean, but… Jesus, even now you sound horrible. Why are you trying to make it even worse?" he reached out and threw away the cig again, this time under his shoe.

Then he stepped on it.

"I'm not-" Dean was caught off abruptly by another coughing fit that left him wheezing for air and clutching his chest.

"Dean? Dean, talk to me man." Sam grabbed his arm and searched for the inhaler in his jacket's pockets. Then gave it to Dean quickly.

Dean tried his best, but it didn't seem to be working.

"Is it helping? Dean?" the younger hunter asked frantically, when Dean kept coughing and his wheezing got worse.

When his brother kept his eyes close and shook his head, Sam knew they were in a deep shit.

"You're having one of those attacks, aren't you" he whispered in fear. "You need a hospital, now." he announced quickly with a hard voice and stood up.

He hated this. This happened so many times before and each time it was no less frightening.

When Dean had these major attacks, neither his medication nor inhaler would work. It was always bad. Twice his airways shut down completely and he needed to be intubated.

"C'mon, Dean" Sam nudged at his side, holding Impala's keys in one hand. "We need to go, now".

When Dean didn't show any sign of movement, he just hissed angrily and pulled his stubborn ass brother with him and to the car.

He wanted to be angry at him, for not taking care of himself, but he couldn't. Not in this situation, when his anger toward his sibling was at fault too. Stress never worked great with asthma.

* * *

It didn't take long for them to reach the ER, although, it felt like forever.

Him, encouraging Dean to try and take deep breaths and stay calm, and Dean, trying to follow his orders, but failing horribly. It felt like he was breathing through a tiny straw, his vision swimming in from of his eyes.

And finally, when the help came and his seemingly not breathing, pale sibling was taken away from him, and all he could hear were voices shouting  'asthma attack' and 'respiratory failure' Sam himself was left there standing afraid and feeling incredibly alone.


	2. stay with me?

It was a couple hours later when Sam was sitting next to Dean's bed, feeling extremely tired.

What could he say, it was a long day. First hunt, then running with his dumb ass brother to the hospital. Then hours spent waiting and worrying hiss ass off.

He was going to be fine, the doctor said. He's going to have to stay for a couple of days, but apart from badly bruised ribs, busted arm and a bump on his head he was fine. Nothing too unusual for them.

Oh, and of course, the asthma attack, but he'll be fine, he's always  _fine_.

Now Sam just needed him to wake up and then, hopefully, shake some sense into him.

What was Dean thinking anyway? Smoking,  _again_? Really?

He clearly had a death wish.

I mean, sure, he knew his brother was stressed, but was it really that bad that he had to go back to smoking? For pete's sake, they've talked about it, hundreds of times, and still, it didn't stick.

In fact, if it was concerning his health, it never stuck.

Of course, there was nothing he could do if Dean really wanted to keep it up, but then again, he might as well try.

The younger brother didn't want to drag him back to a hospital a week later, didn't want to hear him wheezing for air, didn't want to see him smoking ever again.

He was angry and he was getting angrier the more he thought about it.

How could Dean be so careless? He knew the risks, it wasn't like he wasn't aware of what might happen. What  _did_  happened numerous times before.

But enough was enough.

Sam stood up, running a hand shakily through his hair.

It was unbelievable.

"Sam?" a muffled voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

The younger Winchester turned to face his brother, who finally decided to wake up. He looked a little better than before, but it didn't make Sam any less angry. He was relieved tho.

"How could you be so stupid?" he almost shouted, moving closer to Dean. "From all of the stupid things you've done, this is in the top five!"

"Sam?" Dean murmured, looking at Sam, clearly confused. "Wh-t… what happ-nd, why 're screamin'?" he wheezed out, an oxygen mask muffling his voice enough that it wasn't audible.

"What  _happened_? Are you asking  _me_  that? What  _happened_  is that  _you_  were  _careless_!" Sam shouted, stressing every word and hoping it will stick this time, waving his hands at Dean, but stopping abruptly when he noticed Dean visibly flinch and stare at him with wide, fearful eyes.

Then Sam exhaled, slowly, releasing all his anger. He didn't meant to scare Dean and he never expected him to  _flinch_ , out of all things.

The younger hunter sat down next to his brother and looked at him sadly, biting his lip.

"Look, Dean," he started, reaching out to touch Dean's hand, and then grabbing it when Dean tried to pull it away. It was more for his own sake than Dean's. "Listen, all I'm saying is what you did was one of the most stupid things, ever. I mean, you have asthma, Dean! And it only flared up because you started smoking! This happened again because you keep inhaling smoke like it keeps you alive! I mean, c'mon!" Sam rushed a hand through his hair again, something he did when he was nervous, Dean noticed.

"Sammy, it's fine, I'm alright, stop this f-ckin' speech, I've heard it too many times already" the older Winchester pulled down his oxygen mask. "I mean it".

"Put that back on" Sam reached out and put the mask back on Dean's face, much to his annoyance.. "Don't take it off" he ordered. "And if you're saying you've heard so many speeches, then tell me, Dean, why didn't either of them stuck, huh? Why you keep doing this? I mean, jesus, Dean, you coulda died! You don't need me explaining to you what could happen, you know that damn well yourself! So please, do us both a favor and stop smoking!"

Dean just slumped back further into the bed.

"Leave me alone" Dean murmured tiredly.

"Not until you get into your thick skull what's good for you and what's not"

"Why do you care" the older brother exhaled under his breath.

Sam just stared in shock, unable to believe what he just heard.

"Why do I  _care_?" he asked in disbelief. "Because you're my brother, Dean! Because I care about you! Don't you get it? Jesus, how messed up in your head should you be if you even dare to think that I don't give a shit!"

"I'm not messed up in my head, Sam, I'm just stating the facts of the things you told me yourself! So, sorry if I have some problem believing it, Sam." he breathed heavily.

"Jesus christ, Dean I ha-"

"What is going on in here?" a doctor rushed through the door, looking annoyed.

Both brothers looked up at him, surprised.

"Nothing, we're just talking"

"Talking? Well, I'm afraid you'll have to continue tomorrow, because this "talk" is taking a tool on Dean's health at the moment."

"What are you talking about?" Sam asked, confused.

"Well, your conversation is stressing him out, as you may have noticed, his breathing became shallower. And if I'm right, his chest is becoming tight again, right Dean?"

Sam finally turned his gaze back to his brother. And really, Dean was panting slightly, holding one of his hands over his chest.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked gently, moving closer.

"As you know, Dean, you had a really bad attack today, so, it would be best if you would leave all the stress outside. You are well aware of what might happen, I don't need to explain it again now, do I?" he looked back at Sam and then to Dean again.

"No need, crystal clear" the younger Winchester reassured him.

"Good. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have work to do." he turned to the door. "No more of this or I will get you thrown out" he pointed at Sam and left.

"What a dick" Dean muffled under his breath.

Sam smiled at that.

"Yeah, but he's just doing his job. Besides, he's not wrong." Sam turned to stare at Dean. "You should have told me you weren't up to it."

"Well, you were too into it, it's not like anything could have stopped ya, you big baby."

Sam sighed, agreeing, but smiling slightly at Dean's comment. It's been a while since he heard one..

"You should get some rest. We'll talk another time."

"Alright" Dean didn't protest and closed his eyes. Truth to be told, he was tired.

And Sam gave him and out so, why not take it?

After all, they're talking. Sam didn't leave him. He still cared, apparently.

So maybe, Dean can get some rest too.

At least for a few more hours.

"Stay with me?" he asked quietly after some time, when Sam thought he was already asleep.

"I'll be here" Sam reassured him, smiling again.

After all, that's what brother's did, right?

Reassure each other in the most fragile moments and be there for each other.

Maybe they can both learn something from today.

* * *

this turned out different than i expected.

oh well

leave a comment and whatever you'd like to share with me. I might as well print it and put it on my wall

 


	3. so cold

Two days later Dean was released.

He didn’t try to sign out AMA again after Sam threatened to call Cas for some angelic assistance. Well, he also told his doctor to contact him immediately if he tried to do such thing and not to give him any forms unless they want a medical lawsuit on their hands. There was that.

So the older hunter had to stay for every single breathing and nebulizer treatment that doctor assigned him for. Sam didn’t take no for an answer

In fact, Dean felt a little scared of how Sam acted. He looked a little… obsessed, maybe.

Totally in control, nothing happened without his say so. He literally commanded Dean when to eat and what to eat, when to sleep and when to get more painkillers. He didn’t dare to argue.

Eventually, they got his new prescriptions filled and left the hospital when Sam was sure Dean was alright. Not sooner. He even got him a nebulizer and Dean was pretty sure he saw an oxygen tank at the back of the car.

So here they are, sitting in the Impala, Dean riding shotgun, because Sam looked like he might explode any minute. The older Winchester knew that the storm was coming his way and he was afraid to say something to burst the bubble. So he sat quietly, his head bent down, avoiding looking at Sam altogether.

He didn’t even complain when the younger Winchester hit the brakes unexpectedly and the tires screeched. 

Red light.

A pack of cigs fell out of the pocket on the seat next to Dean. He stared at them, not sure what to do. His instincts told him to pick it up.

“You do so much as touch it, I will cut your fingers off” Sam growled at him, his eyes glistening with danger. He meant what he said. Dean unintentionally moved closer to the door, his eyes wide with shock.

Yep, Sam was beyond pissed this time. And if he was honest with himself, it was terrifying.

He didn’t know what to expect when they finally arrived to the motel. He decided to move fast and get into a shower first, just to avoid, well, everything.

And he did, only to see Sam’s annoyed expression before he shut the door.

The older brother let the whole tension leave him and he slid to the floor, the stress of ther past couple of days finally getting to him.

It was bad enough that he had the fucking attack again, but Sam’s behavior was driving him insane. It felt like everything was hanging on a thread and one wrong movent there, a wrong word here and it would explode. The tension was unbearable.  

He pulled knees to his chest despite his protesting ribs and held on for dear life, trying to control his breathing. He didn’t need to have a panic attack on top of everything else.

Then he heard Sam banging on a door.

“Dean, is everything alright in there?”

Of course, when his brother didn’t hear water running or any other sound he got worried.

“Dean?” a worried voice reached his ears again.

“I’m fine” he managed to squeeze out from his tight throat. He needed to get into the shower and get the stink of the hospital off of him.

Dean forced himself to stand up and got out of his clothes. Then he turned on the shower and got in, but slid to sit on the floor almost immediately when heavy heart wrenching sobs started to shake his body. 

Goddamn it.

A breakdown.

Just what he needed.

He just pulled his knees closer and let the water run through him until it got cold. Even then, he just sat there, feeling the punishing stream of water break against his bones, wash away what was left on his sanity.

Even then he could do nothing else but think, when did his life became such a mess that sitting in a freezing shower was the only comfort he expected to get.

.

Sam felt cold rage burning through him.

What Dean did was the most stupid thing in the entire existence. But he managed to calm himself and not shout at him, but he knew that Dean knew that he was fuming.

The younger Winchester needed to be in control, so he took control of everything - Dean’s medication, treatments, meals, he even forced him to take pain killers for his ribs and head. He threatened doctor that if he gave Dean any form of medical form to sign he will suit the entire hospital. He didn’t even need to reason it, doctor got the message loud and clear after the look Sam gave him. Every single thing was reported to him.

He didn’t talk to his brother about what happened, he decided to let him get better first, stress, after all, could cause problems. It did. 

So he let it slip for a moment, he got every single prescription, he got him a nebulizer and he even managed to get an oxygen tank. Well, more likely steal it, but it’s not like they were paying for anything, not really. 

He kept his cool stance in the car as well, although he almost bursted out when a pack of cigs fell on the seat. He wasn’t kidding when he said he’ll cut Dean’s fingers off. He didn’t miss how Dean curled up closer to the door either, away from him.

He was afraid, Sam realized.

Good.

Both of them knew that The Talk was coming, so he wasn’t surprised when Dean practically ran into the bathroom. He’ll avoid it, it wasn’t a surprise.

But then there were no sounds coming from the bathroom, no water, no rustling of clothes, nothing.

The younger hunter was instantly worried, banging on the door, waiting for an answer. God knows what Dean was doing in there. He got one, but Dean’s voice was raspy. It took him another few minutes to turn the water on and then Sam swore he heard his brother sobbing.

Gosh, they were such a screw ups.

He ran fingers through his hair nervously and looked around.

He should actually get some food, maybe even coffee before Dean storms out of the shower.

He left a note and went to the shop across the road. Shouldn’t be more than 10 minutes anyway.

.

When Sam returned he was surprised to hear the shower still running. It was worrisome, but he decided to wait instead of banging on the door, demanding answers.

He brought all kind of snacks, even found a cherry pie, anything that might lighten up the already sunken mood.

The younger Winchester made himself comfortable in the chair besides the window, looking up things online until another ten minutes later Dean emerged from the bathroom, keeping his gaze down, looking worse than he did before. He was pale, except his blushed cheeks, shivering and looking like he was crying.

Jesus, what the hell happened?

Sam was on his feet at instant, running to see what was wrong.

“Dean? What’s wrong? Jeez, you’re freezing!” he exclaimed when his fingers touched his brother’s skin. “Weren’t there any hot water?” he asked, grabbing a blanket from the bed and wrapping his shivering sibling into it. Then he led him to sit on the couch.

“It run out” Dean mumbled in response. Then he glanced guilty at Sam: “Sorry”

“Don’t worry, I showered before coming to the hospital. “How long were you standing under that freezing stream of water?” he asked again, because Dean’s skin was as cold as a hypothermic person’s.

His brother just shrugged. Sam still couldn’t shake the feeling that he was crying, his eyes were puffed, but he wouldn’t look at him long enough for him to be sure.

The younger brother stood up and grabbed one of the coffees he brought from the shop and squeezed it into the older Winchester’s shaking hands. “Drink it. You’ll feel better.” 

His brother still wouldn’t look at him. He was clearly expecting Sam to be shouting at him. That was Sam’s intention in the first place, but seeing his brother so shaken up broke something inside him.

“Dean” he whispered softly, sitting next to him on the couch, willing his brother to look at him. “C’mon, look at me” he nudged him. 

Dean bit his lip and braced himself. It took him a while, but eventually, he did. There was no anger in Sam’s eyes, just concern.

“Are you that worked up because you thought I was gonna shout at you?” he asked gently.

Dean immediately looked away and Sam knew he was going the right way. “Dean, it’s not that I’m angry at you or  _ want to  _ shout at you, it’s that I’m angry about what you are doing to yourself, what you _ did  _ that landed you in a hospital.” he tried to approach the subject as gently as possible. “I hate what you do to yourself. Ever since i was a kid, i hated it. Even then i hoped that if I asked, you will stop, that  _ me asking _ something will be enough. Why isn’t it enough?” Sam asked, searching for an answer in his brother’s eyes.

“Not everything is about you, Sam” Dean answered quietly. “You shouldn’t feel obligated to talk me out of it or anything, it’s not like I’m making you breathe the smoke.”

And just like that, Sam was angry again. Good god, Dean knew where to push.

“Jesus, Dean, it’s not about that!” he shouted this time, not missing a slight flinch. “It’s about you not caring about your health! It’s about you deliberately making yourself suffer! You’ve done this ever since you were a teen, when you were stressed about something and didn’t want to deal with it. And you’re doing that now as well. But I’m putting an end to it because I’m sick of watching you drive yourself to a point you need an ambulance.”

The older hunter inhaled deeply, trying not to get too worked up. 

“If you don’t want to watch it, you can leave. I told you before.” he sipped a bit more coffee, trying to get warmer. Sam was becoming angry and he didn’t want to deal with it.

“No. I’m not leaving. I know that our relationship sucks right now, but I’m not letting you use it as an excuse to kill yourself!” Sam shouted desperately, standing up.

They both stared at each other, Sam, trying to get through his brother and Dean, looking like he was caught stealing apples from neighbours’ garden. He gulped down nervously.

“I’m not trying to kill myself.” he announced in a monotone voice, not looking away.

“No? Then what are you doing, huh? Because i know you, Dean. From the get go you would do this when stressed. You think I don’t remember how it started?” he smiled dangerously. “It was when I ran away for a couple of weeks. Of course, you blamed yourself. It didn’t take me long to notice that you would come back stinking of smoke, until eventually I actually caught you doing it. Took dad a year to find out why your asthma came back. But it got worse during times when Dad and I would scream at each other. Yeah, Dean, I remember.” he kept looking at his surprised sibling. “So, yeah, you never listened to either one of us what is actually better for you, because you felt a need to punish yourself. But that ends.  _ Now _ . I’ll help you to quit, I’ll get you whatever you need with that, but if I see you with a cig one more time I will actually cut your fingers off.” 

Sam meant every word he said and that made Dean shrink down further into the couch. He felt like a bug under a magnifying glass.

“Don’t get me wrong, if you’re stressed or need to talk or whatever it is that you need, you can come to me and that is fine. But smoking isn’t.” he sat next to Dean again and put one hand on his still shaking shoulder. “C’mon, Dean, you know I’m right. You know your asthma flared up because of this crap and I’m pretty sure you don’t like to be helpless and gasping for breath because of it either. Dean, man, c’mon” he nudged him again to look at him. He did, looking deep in his thoughts. “You know I’m right. I’ll help you to deal with whatever this is. Whenever you need me - I’ll be here, just please,  _ please _ , stop smoking, stop making yourself worse.” he begged this time.

It took some time, but the older sibling finally nodded. “I’ll try, Sammy.”

The younger brother smiled. He finally managed to reach his brother. 

Still smiling like a fool he reached out and pulled his sibling into a hug. “C’mere” he muttered quietly, feeling shivers still wracking his body, and held on tight. It felt right.

Dean did everything he could to keep his emotions in check. He was pretty sure that shivers weren’t only from the cold water, but as long as Sam won’t say anything, he’ll keep it quiet as well.

It felt good, actually. He knew damn well that right now he was in the middle of a chick-flick moment, but he didn’t care. Apparently, it was what he needed.

“Dean, are you alright?” Sam asked eventually, once they pulled back. The older hunter just nodded, not trusting his voice at the moment. “You should probably lie down, get some rest.” Sam bit his lip. “Are you hungry?” he asked.

The older Winchester sat there for a moment. He wasn’t tired enough to sleep, he wasn’t hungry either, but it wouldn’t hurt to get some real food either. Besides, it would keep Sam happy and from cutting his fingers or something more important off.

“I’m not that tired, but we could watch a movie or something?” he answered, watching his brother with a thoughtful gaze. Sam got the idea.

“Uhh, sure, I guess. Pick something up, I’ll get the snacks.”

He went back to his bed and turned on the TV, but, of course, nothing even remotely interesting was on, so he pulled out Sam’s laptop. It took a couple of minutes, but eventually Dean found some comedy that looked interesting and funny enough to keep the mood light. In the mean time, Sam came back with a handful of snacks he got from the store earlier and dropped them all on Dean’s bed. “Scoot over” he said and kicked off his shoes.

“What?” Dean looked at him, surprised.

“Scoot over, unless you want me to push you off the bed” he smirked. The older brother tried but failed to hide a smile of his own and made some space for Sam. “Find anything interesting?”

“Uh, this looks okay, I think. Unless you want to watch something else.” he looked away quickly, feeling uncomfortable and unsure. Maybe Sam didn’t want to watch anything, maybe he wanted to do something by himself. After all, he spend most of his time in a hospital, with _ him _ .

The younger brother sensed the change in his sibling instantly and frowned. This has to end.

“Dean? Hey, look at me.  _ Dean _ .” he tried to reach his eyes, but he started babbling, still avoiding his look.   
“I mean, you don’t have to watch anything with me, you can do your own thing, it’s not like i need to b-”   
“Dean!” Sam shouted and he flinched. Sam held his arms up. “I’m sorry I shouted at you. Now and earlier.” he started, feeling like this had a lot of impact in the first place and his brother’s look confirmed it. “Yeah, I was a dick earlier, but you wouldn’t have listened to me otherwise and you needed to hear it. _ Actually _ hear it. So, yeah, I’m sorry it was like that and it obviously made you feel like shit, and i know you went through some shit in the bathroom. Yeah, i know that, Dean” he smiled reassuringly when his brother shot up a panicked look at him. “But that’s alright and I won’t push it. But you must know that I’m here not because i feel like I owe you or something, but because i  _ want to _ . You gotta give yourself some credit, man.” he patted him on the shoulder. “I mean it. Let me take care of you for a change. And what i want to do now is watch a movie and have a good time with my brother, alright? So why don’t you try to relax and get warm in the meantime, huh? How about that?”

Dean just nodded in agreement, seemingly to understand Sam better, and leaned back into the pillow. Sam did he same.

A couple of minutes passed and both of them seemed to be more relaxed. After a few more moments Sam felt Dean shimmering closer to him. He was still cold as ice, Sam’s warmth was probably very inviting to him. He didn’t push him away, just smiled when he felt his freezing toes brush against his leg. Then he decided.

“Get your clothes off and get under the blanket.” Sam straight out told him. His brother looked at him funny, but didn’t protest. Sam did the same. “Now, I know you’re still freezing, so, don’t be weird about this.” once they were both under covers, Sam pulled Dean closer to him, shivering when he felt his brother’s cold skin press against his warm. “This will  get you warm in no time.” he mumbled. Then asked: “Jeez, how long were you standing under the cold water, you’re like ice.”

He felt his brother shrug. However long he was there, it was way too long.

“Alright, let’s watch the damn movie and eat the goodies” Sam pressed a start button again.

And it wasn’t weird at all, lying next to his cold-as-ice brother like this. It was quite comforting, actually. He wasn’t even surprised when halfway through the movie Dean’s head made a pillow of his shoulder, or when later on he snuggled closer, still unconsciously searching for the warmth. At the end of the movie they were practically cuddling, but Sam didn’t mind and Dean was a long time asleep, snoring slightly. So he just threw everything on the other bed and lied down more comfortably. Dean didn’t wake up, just snuggled even closer, while Sam smiled sheepishly. As long as he remembered his brother would always search for comfort like this when he wasn’t feeling well. 

He just hoped Dean would keep his promise. If not,  he’ll give him a reason to keep it.

But until then - Sam put one hand over Dean, happy, that he seemed to be getting warmer and shivering was almost non-existent - until then they can rest and pretend that the last couple of days didn’t happen.

 

*****

So, that’s it.

The end? Or you need an epilogue? Idk myself.

Anyway, leave reviews! Thanks for reading xx

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a review and your worst nightmare


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